Brothers Acknowledge Feelings

When Jake caught him jerking off to gay porn, they grudgingly admitted they were each gay. It remained their secret and, even though they continued to date girls, they found understanding and relief with each other.

* * * * *

“I had a nice time.”

“So did I.” Jimmy leaned in and gave Kayleigh a chaste kiss on the cheek. “See you at school Monday.”

Kayleigh didn’t hide her disappointment. “Okay. Good night.”

“G’ night.” Jimmy touched a finger to the rim of his brown cowboy hat then opened the screen door of Kayleigh’s house for her. He waited until she was inside and began to close the wood door before he released his hold on the handle and walked back to his truck.

After starting it, even though no one inside the house would be able to see him, he waited until he had turned out of the dirt driveway onto the dark county road before rolling his eyes and letting out a sigh of relief.

Kayleigh was a nice girl who had been trying to go out with him for years. While their date would have been considered successful by most measures, for Jimmy it was a waste of time. It was not because of anything she did or did not do, but because she wasn’t the one he really wanted. The only thing good about his date with her was the fact that it allowed him to set up the clandestine meeting he was now heading toward. It would have been difficult to explain to his parents that he was getting primped to go out with friends without outright lying. With Kayleigh as cover, he had the rare chance to dress up for the one person who gave him pleasant butterflies in his stomach.

Dressed in his good boots, dark green long sleeved shirt and dressy jeans with the good buckle on his belt, he knew he was looking his best. At a height of six feet three inches with a tight, lean body from years of farm work, Jimmy had medium length dark brown hair that was just long enough to show off his natural curls. His hazel brown eyes looked out from beneath a strong brow and long, dark lashes. A pointed, triangular nose was prominent on his face but balanced the full lips below it. He kept his square face shaved clean which allowed the shallow dimple in the center of his chin to show. While he knew it wasn’t necessary for him to look a certain way, he liked occasionally making an effort to show he cared.

As he crossed the river, he took a steadying breath and checked the mirror. It was not because he thought he’d find anything out of place on his face, but to check that there were no headlights coming up behind him. A few hundred feet on the other side of the bridge, he turned off onto a dirt path that backtracked toward the water. For a short distance, he was exposed as he travelled parallel to the road. Anyone driving by would not miss him and in their small town, it would get back to his parents. Thankfully, no one appeared on the road for miles as the paved road finally rose to cross the river while the path he was on angled downward. He slowed as he neared the shore and when he turned to park between some trees and bushes at the water’s edge, he wasn’t surprised to see another truck already there with his brother sitting on the lowered tailgate smoking a cigarette.

“It’s about fucking time,” Jake called to him once Jimmy opened the door. “Your curfew’s in about an hour and a half.”

“Sorry,” Jimmy said as he put on his hat and went to join his brother. He hated that even though he was eighteen, his parents still enforced his curfew and would continue doing so until he graduated in a few weeks. If he missed it, he ran the risk of his remaining senior year activities being curtailed as punishment. “Kayleigh wouldn’t get out of truck. She was looking to get fucked and tried everything she could to make it happen.”

Once Jimmy was within reach, Jake pulled him to stand between his spread legs. His voice lowered seductively when he asked, “Did you?”

“Fuck no,” Jimmy responded, sounding almost offended. He placed his hands on Jake’s thighs and lazily rubbed his hands over them. “I have absolutely no interest in going down that road.”

“Why not? She’s hot.”

“Maybe,” Jimmy conceded. “But…”

Upon hearing Jimmy’s voice trail off uncertainly, a corner of Jake’s mouth lifted in an understanding smile. “I get it. You’re waiting for the right person.”

Jake raised the hand that held his cigarette to grab the back of Jimmy’s neck then pulled his brother’s face toward his. Their lips met in a series of soft kisses that were neither fraternal nor erotic. It was a display of affection for each other that they rarely got to express and neither wanted it to stop. The wet crackling sounds of their lips meeting and pulling apart blended with the quiet rippling of the nearby water, crickets chirping in the distance and frogs singing their mating calls. While they kissed, Jimmy moved his hands to rub and knead his brother’s back as they made out, enjoying the feel of his brother’s similarly tight body.

At twenty-three years of age, Jake was five years older than Jimmy but was three inches shorter than his youngest sibling and outweighed him by about twenty pounds of sinewy muscle. He had a slightly lighter shade of brown hair that was buzzed short and usually covered with the ratty, camouflage patterned baseball cap that he was wearing. There was always dark stubble covering the bottom of his square face that enhanced his green-hazel eyes. As usual, he was wearing an old t-shirt emblazoned with the logo of a brand of beer and dirty jeans with even dirtier work boots. Overall, the brothers looked similar enough that they had been taken for twins when they were younger despite their age difference.

When they finally separated from the kiss, Jimmy hopped onto the bed of the truck and sat next to his brother. He placed a hand on his brother’s closest thigh and felt Jake do the same to him. “How do you do it?”

Not knowing what his brother was talking about, Jake took a pull from his smoke then asked as he exhaled, “Do what?”

“Date Shelly while knowing that you have no interest in her.”

Jake sighed heavily. Instead of answering right away, he flicked the stub of his cigarette away then slid back into the bed of the truck. The odor of dirt and manure that he had moved around the family farm earlier in the day lingered but he didn’t bat an eyelash as he laid down. As Jimmy took off his hat then laid next to him, he said, “It’s what I have to do. Believe me it sucks, but it’s not like I can tell Mom and Dad that I’m in love with my brother and want to shack up with him.”

Startled, Jimmy rolled to his side to look down at Jake. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yeah, you dumb fuck,” Jake said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world as he slapped Jimmy on the back of his head. “I know I probably shouldn’t say it, but I love you, man. Not just as a brother, which is what makes it even harder. I know it’s wrong and you probably thought we were just messing around, and that’s cool. I just hope I find a guy someday that’s half as understanding and cool as you.”

As the sound of a solitary car crossing the bridge above broke through the night, Jimmy stared at Jake in disbelief. What his brother had just said perfectly echoed what he had been feeling. He never imagined that Jake would feel the same things for him that he felt for his oldest brother. They had been messing around for a while, and originally it seemed like it was because they were both horny, curious teens. But when Jake caught him jerking off to gay porn, they grudgingly admitted they were each gay. It remained their secret and, even though they continued to date girls, they found understanding and relief with each other. Initially, Jimmy had assumed that he would eventually find a guy that he could do the same things with that he did with his brother, but he soon realized that no guy would ever measure up to Jake. He didn’t have a case of hero worship for his brother, but a deep, full-on love for him and it hurt him just as much believing that Jake didn’t feel the same. Despite having heard his brother’s declaration, Jimmy worried about Jake’s reaction to the words that were about to tumble from his mouth. His voice was soft and hesitant when he said, “I’m in love with you, too. I just didn’t think you felt that way.”

Jake blinked in surprised. He leaned up and faced Jimmy for a moment then pushed his brother onto his back and rolled on top of him, careful to not kick Jimmy’s hat to the ground from where it sat on the edge of the truck bed. He felt Jimmy open his legs to allow his to rest between them, permitting their crotches to press together. “Really? You’re not just saying that?”

“No, Jake.” Jimmy’s voice was stronger this time. “I love you, man. I think I always have and I know I always will. I could settle for a guy like you but my heart wouldn’t be in it.”

In response, Jake pressed his lips to his brother’s and took him in another kiss. It was intense and conveyed the love they had just expressed for each other. Their tongues battled with each other and the both enjoyed the way neither wanted to surrender. Periodically, teeth nibbled at lips and they breathed in each other’s heavy, warm breath. When Jake finally broke the kiss and pulled back to look down at his brother, he was sure his face reflected the awe, love and happiness that he saw in Jimmy’s.

Jimmy sighed with contentment when Jake leaned back down to kiss him more gently. Similar to their greeting kisses, they took their time enjoying each other’s presence and were in no hurry to separate. Alone in the dark night away from their family, this moment was a luxury they rarely got to enjoy. Laying underneath his brother, Jimmy alternately caressed his brother’s back and simply held him close. He was very aware of the rigid rods in each of their jeans but didn’t want to break the moment. In their silence, they were sharing something deeper than they had ever felt and, while normally they would have been well into giving each other a hand job or blow job, a quick rub and tug suddenly seemed out of place. There was no question he was aroused and wanted to be with his brother but everything they had done up to this point seemed inadequate. Before he could talk himself out of it, he whispered against Jake’s lips, “I want you to fuck me.”

Jake pulled back to gaze at his brother. For all the years they had been messing around, Jimmy had refused to get fucked or fuck him. Jake had never pressed him but had always hoped that one day his brother would relent. As Jake thought about it, he realized it was logical that Jimmy would want to do it now because of his brother’s romantic notions about going all the way his first time with someone he loved. “Are you sure?”

“No,” Jimmy said honestly with a nervous chuckle. “But no sense putting it off anymore. I’ve always wanted you to be my first but didn’t think I could handle being used for a quickie. I trust you, bro, when you say you love me. If it’s true and you’re not fucking with me then it’s time it happened. Otherwise…”

Jake was hit by a sudden wave of emotion hearing his brother’s words. Jimmy was laying himself bare and letting him know that he was serious about his love. While he had been truthful with his own words, Jake felt bad for saying it so lightly. He loved his baby brother more than words could ever express and would do anything he asked. Unable to form words for a moment, he pressed his lips back to his brother’s for a soft, lingering kiss. When he pulled back slightly to separate their lips while resting his forehead against Jimmy’s, his voice was still thick with emotion when he whispered against his brother’s lips, “I meant it when I said it, James. I love you so much.”

Even if he hadn’t heard the tightening in his brother’s voice, Jimmy knew that the simple fact that Jake had called him by his given name meant he was serious.

The two of them laid still for a moment looking into each other’s eyes as the weight of the moment sank in. There was no more hiding and, for better or worse, everything would change after this moment.

Not wanting to break the mood but needing to address Jimmy’s proposition, Jake said softly, “So maybe we can do it Saturday night when Mom and Dad are at church. They’ll be gone –“

“No,” Jimmy interrupted. “I meant now.”

Jake pulled back suddenly and looked down at his brother with wide, surprised eyes. “We don’t have anything. Lube. Condoms. Nothing.”

“I’m not getting pregnant,” Jimmy said lightly.

“It’s not that,” Jake said seriously. “Condoms aren’t just for –“

“I know that, dumb ass. It’s just… It wouldn’t matter even if we had that stuff. I want to really be with you my first time. Feel everything, if you know what I mean.”

Jake nodded with understanding. While he knew he should use protection, he also wanted nothing to come between them their first time. “But there’s still the issue of lube. Without it, it’s going to hurt more than it needs to.”

Jimmy pursed his lips. He knew pain would be a part of the process of getting fucked for the first time and had resigned himself to that fact a long time ago. However, the feel of his brother’s covered erection against him was the real concern. Jake was not a small guy. Even when completely flaccid, the bulge in his jeans was significant and despite years of oral play, he still couldn’t get more than half his brother’s cock into his mouth. “I know. But I trust you.”

“Jimmy,” Jake said softly not knowing what else to say. He knew this was not the optimal place or condition to fuck his brother for the first time, but at the same time, it was also perfect. They had spent many hours there in the back of his truck talking or messing around. Aside from their love for each other, it was the one constant in their relationship. Whether parked on the farm, in the woods, or frequently here by the river, it was a place where they found comfort and solitude with each other away from the eyes and judgement of their family.

Jake leaned down and took his brother in another kiss. It was soft and gentle, but combined with the light humping motion of his hips, was completely erotic and filled with the promise of sex. After a few moments, he slid a hand between them and began to undo his brother’s jeans. Once they were open, he leaned back onto his haunches and removed Jimmy’s boots then pulled the jeans and boxers completely from his brother’s body. As he turned his ball cap backwards, he took a moment to appraise his brother’s lower half wishing he had time to take Jimmy’s dick into his mouth. However, because Jimmy’s curfew was fast approaching, it would have to wait for another time.

Jimmy tensed as Jake grabbed the back of his thighs in his callused hands and pushed up on them, bending him nearly in half. He let out a surprised yelp that turned into a moan as he felt Jake’s tongue touch his hole for the first time. The probing muscle was rough and wet as it licked and pressed against him. On his lightly furred ass cheeks, he could feel the rough scratch of his brother’s stubble as his face moved around working between them. It took a moment for him to relax as he became accustomed to the novel sensations. Even though he was horny and wanted this, his cock had lost a good portion of its rigidity due to fear as it dangled heavily from his crotch. Above it beyond his legs and the top of his brother’s head, he focused on the stars in the clear night sky trying to name constellations as a way to calm his nervousness at what was about to happen.

Despite the lingering taste and smell of soap, Jake was easily able to taste his brother’s musky flavor hiding between his legs. Similar to the familiar taste of Jimmy’s cock and balls, there was an additional depth of flavor there that he wished he could experience at its fullest. He enjoyed servicing Jimmy after they had been working the farm on a hot summer day when his crotch was at its ripest. He had gotten hints of the funk that resided there a number of times but, respecting his brother’s wishes, never had the opportunity to experience it. Now, he licked and sucked the soft skin and wiry hair surrounding Jimmy’s opening wanting to get every bit of his brother’s essence that he could.

When he finally felt Jimmy relax, Jake pressed his tongue harder against his brother’s hole and was pleased to feel it give way slightly. It was still tight and did not open but he knew it was ready to begin probing in earnest. He deposited a thick trail of spit in the crevice then pressed one of his thick fingers against the puckered opening while he continued to move his tongue next to the hole. It took more force than he expected and upon hearing his brother’s whimpers he nearly stopped. Fighting against his concern for Jimmy, he quickly worked his finger in to the second knuckle. Conscious of their time constraint, he didn’t wait to begin working it in and out and around the tight ring. As gently as he could while still accomplishing his task, he stretched Jimmy open wide enough to attempt to press a second finger inside him. When he pushed the second digit in, he immediately felt Jimmy tense in response.

“Shit,” Jimmy gasped. His body urged him to pull away but he resisted and breathed heavily through the pain.

“You okay?” Jake asked though he didn’t stop working his finger into his brother. He raised his head enough to be able to see Jimmy’s face and was not surprised to see his eyes squeezed tight and his teeth biting at his lips.

“Yeah.” Jimmy’s voice was unconvincing. “I just—” gasp “—gotta get used to it.”

“I know it’s easier said than done, but try to relax.”

Jimmy grunted as Jake pressed deeper. “I am relaxed.” He opened his eyes and saw Jake looking down at him with a mix of worry and guilt. It was one the reasons why he loved his brother. Though Jake was doing what was asked of him, even with the promise of finally getting to dick his ass, Jake wasn’t enjoying it and would stop if he felt he was pushing Jimmy too far. Jimmy reached up and gently ran a hand over one of his brother’s cheeks. With a strained voice he said, “I’m fine. Keep going.”

Jake looked like he wanted to protest but he lowered his head and resumed licking Jimmy’s hole around his fingers.

Jimmy closed his eyes against the pain again then reopened them. No longer able to name the stars, he began to count them as he tried to put the discomfort out of his mind. The involuntary spreading of his hole produced a sharp pain that overrode everything else. He registered a strangely pleasant sensation as his brother’s fingers wriggled inside of him and the feel of Jake’s tongue on the outside of his hole was soothing but neither was enough to pull the focus away from the pain of his stretched ring. Just when he was about to get used to the pull on his tight muscle, Jake pressed a third finger into the breach, renewing and redoubling the pain. He tensed and let out another yelp but quickly assured his brother everything was fine. As he breathed through the new assault, he began to question his resolve. There was no objective reason why they had to do it tonight. However he quickly realized the desire and need to be with Jake was so strong that it couldn’t be ignored. With that thought, Jimmy felt a peace wash over him and the discomfort diminished enough to be bearable.

Jake felt the tightness around him lessen and knew that it was time for the main event. He would have preferred to take more time stretching his brother and relaxing him but with Jimmy’s curfew nearing, he wanted to spend as much time inside his brother as he could. Keeping his fingers and mouth working his brother’s asshole, he used his other hand to open his own jeans. With his cock already steely hard and pushing against the waistband, he didn’t have to lower them or his shorts far to free it. He removed his mouth to spit in his hand and on his cock for lube. With nothing else left to do, he lowered Jimmy’s ass to meet his crotch while keeping his brother bent in half then removed his fingers and lined himself up. He felt Jimmy’s ass cheeks tighten around him as he pressed his blunt tip against his brother’s hole. Hoping to distract and relax him, Jake leaned down and took his brother’s mouth in a deep kiss as he increased the force of his hips pushing forward. The tactic worked somewhat as he felt Jimmy’s hole relax enough to spread around his tip. When the long, thick bullet capping his cock was halfway inside, he felt Jimmy tense again hindering his forward motion. With a surge of arousal that he later felt bad about, he gave a sharp thrust, punching the entire crown inside.

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