Every Man is a Little Bit Gay (True Story)

Do All Men Think About Gay Sex

“They’re doing cookery classes down at the local college. I think I might give them a go,” Trish said, looking up from reading the Evening Gazette, our local paper.

“The last thing you need is cookery classes,” I replied with some feeling. Trish is the best cook I’ve ever met; that’s one of the many reasons I married her.

“I don’t need to learn how to boil an egg but they’re offering an advanced course on Mediterranean cooking. It will be fun to learn something new.”

“I’m certainly not going to stop you going if that’s what you want. I may even have to force myself into helping test the results from time to time. It’s good, but is it fine dining?” I said, mimicking Michel Roux from Master-chef, a program she’s keen on.

“The course is on Wednesday nights, seven ’till nine, so on those nights you’ll have to fend for yourself for a while.”

“The things I have to put up with!” I joshed. “I suppose I’ll have to suffer.” But, in truth, I’m completely capable of cooking my own evening meal, even if I’m nowhere near as good as her.

Enrolling on college courses is Trish all over. She’s a go-getter, always trying something new. I’m more of a stay at home and watch the match on the TV type of guy but, between us, we make a good pair and, after five years of marriage, we couldn’t be happier. It’s not just cookery courses where she’s the go-getter; it applies to most other parts of our lives and, when it comes to sex, she’s always been the more adventurous. She’s the one that bought the handcuffs and, following some of her other suggestions, we’ve tried a number of light role play games, nothing too serious but not that vanilla, either. That’s not to say she hasn’t got her limits and, to my slight frustration, try as I might, I can’t persuade her to try anal sex. When I pushed her on it she explained that one of her previous boyfriends tried it during a drunken fumble and it had hurt her so much she had vowed never to do it again. I could kill the bastard!

Five weeks later the course started and, immediately, I noticed the difference in our evening meals. A sudden infusion of peppers, sun-dried tomatoes, olive oil, seafood, pastas and paellas enlivened our already varied diet. Although there were one or two disasters and I’m never going to be the biggest fan of eating octopus tentacles, in general I enjoyed the new range of delicacies she introduced to us.

And then, one day, Trish announces that she’s invited a ‘David’ over for dinner. “Who’s David?” I asked and she explained that he was one of the other students on the course. Apparently they got on so well that, when the instructor had asked them to work in pairs, she and David had decided to work together.

“Oh, yeah? Is there something you’re not telling me?” I asked, but we both knew I was joking. I’m not the jealous type and I trust Trish completely.

“Wait ’till you meet him,” Trish replied with a grin. “I think you’ll find he’s more interested in you than me.”

Two days later he turns up on the doorstep and, immediately, I knew what Trish had meant. There was absolutely no reason to be jealous; David was obviously and openly gay. I don’t mean that he was a screaming queen or anything, just that he was gay, comfortable with being gay and had no problem with anyone and everyone knowing he was gay. He and Trish disappeared into the kitchen where I was obviously surplus to requirements so I retired to the lounge and, as I watched the match on the telly, I could hear in the background cooking together and having a great time.

The meal was fabulous. David had brought a bottle of wine and I dug out another to help it down with the end result that, after we’d finished and cleared away, we were all quite tipsy. But it wasn’t just the wine. The more I got to know David the more I appreciated what it was that Trish saw in him. He’s really a great guy. I found him really easy to talk to and we all got on like a house on fire.

With the meal over and cleared away, Trish brewed up some coffees and we all went back to the lounge. We carried on the chat from the dinner table and, as the night went on, I opened another bottle of wine and then another, so we were getting more and more relaxed in each other’s company.

And then, in the way that all drunken conversations seem to go, we started talking about sex and, in particular, about David being gay. I guess I was being a little personal but I was too drunk to care very much and he didn’t seem to mind. I was asking him about preferring boys over girls when he came out with:

“It’s not quite a clear cut as that. People aren’t just gay or straight with nothing in between, it’s a spectrum. I mean, if you draw a line with gay at one end and straight at the other then we’re all somewhere in the middle. No one is completely one way. There’s a little bit of straight in the gayest gay and a little bit of gay in the straightest straight. I mean, you’re straight, aren’t you?”

“Yes, happily married man and all that.”

“”But I’ll bet you’ve thought about gay sex, wondered what it would be like with another guy.””

“But that’s…. that’s just normal curiosity,” I protested. Trish, who had been pretty silent through all this had perked up and had started taking an interest.

“OK, let’s try this one. I’ll bet you’re always pestering Trish to try ana sex.”

I didn’t need to answer. A combination of my blushes and Trish’s laughter was all the confirmation he needed.

“But that doesn’t make me gay,” I protested. “After all, Trish’s a woman.”

“And a very sexy one at that. Even so, you still want to make love to her in a gay way,” he responded. “”OK, so there’s a lot more to gay sex than anal but I’ll take another stab in the dark, if you’ll pardon the expression. I’ll take a pretty good guess that you’ve fantasized about it the other way around. You’ve thought about taking anal just as much as you’ve thought about giving anal. I bet a part of you wonders what it would feel like, to have another man’s prick up your bottom. Go on, admit it.”

“Have you?” Trish cut in. She was now on the edge of her seat and, quite evidently, as interested in the answer as David was.

“Hasn’t everyone?” I blustered.

“And that’s my point,” David said a bit smugly. “Every guy has, even you. There you are, Mr Happily Married Straight Guy, and even you wonder what it would be like. How about blow jobs? Is that part of your ‘normal curiosity’? What would happen if I offered you a blow job right now, or, for that matter, if I asked you for one?”

“I’m not sure I’m pissed enough for that,” I tried to joke. By now I was getting quite a way outside my comfort zone and Trish, treasure that she is, could see my discomfort and came to my rescue.

“What about you?” she asked David. “You’ve got Andy to confess to his secret homosexual fantasies. Does this mean you have secret heterosexual ones?”

“Of course,” David replied. “I’m pretty far over to the gay side of the spectrum but even I have wondered. The difference is that it was easier for me to find out.”

“And have you? What happened?”

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4 thoughts on “Every Man is a Little Bit Gay (True Story)

  1. Alex Thagoon says:

    I was struck by how real the narrator’s story felt. His reactions to all the new stuff, the quiet little truth inside him that he had at times wondered about this stuff, but was sexually satisfied as a heterosexual so that he never really felt like taking any initiative. I guess I’d just say that all the characters’ reactions and actions felt very believable, I utterly believed in the possibility of this story happening.

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