True story about two men who love each other while learning to provide the nurturing environment required to raise healthy and happy children.
Walt and Ethan lay cuddling in their bed, bathing in the afterglow of their mating. Ethan felt the love Walt had for him in every single thrust, tasted the affection when Walt kissed him. He felt the trust and commitment in the seed that had been planted deep within him. The two of them had been together for a year, and got legally bound together a few months prior in a civil union, legal in their home state of Vermont since 2000. They were committed husbands and lovers, both knowing that they were with the man they wanted to spend their life with.
Ethan didn’t question that love for a moment. That wasn’t what he was uneasy about. He listened to his husband’s heart beating. He strengthened his will and said the thing he’d wanted to say for months.
“Walt, I want to be a parent.”
The two of them had never seriously discussed wanting children before.
Walt took a moment to absorb that statement. He adjusted the position of Ethan’s smaller body. Now they were on their sides, noses touching.
“I never really thought about wanting kids,” he admitted. “But you’re my baby. You’re my world. If that’s what you want, if that’s what will make you happy, I’ll be a parent with you.”
“No, that’s the wrong answer, Walt.”
Walt blinked. “I said yes. Did you want me to say no?”
Ethan shook his head. “I wanted you to say yes, but not like that. If you say yes, I want it to be because that’s what you want, not because it’s what I want. I’d rather you say no for the right reasons than yes for the wrong reasons.”
Walt sighed. “I love you. Isn’t that a good enough reason for anything?”
“Not for this. Raising a kid is one of the most important things a person could ever do. If we mess this up, it’s going to be the child that gets the worst of it.”
There was a pause.
“Ethan, I don’t know what you want from me.”
Ethan kissed his husband’s lips.
“I don’t want anything from you right now. I just want you to think about it. Take your time. Think it over like it’s the biggest, most important decision you’ll ever make, because it very well may be. And if, when you reach a conclusion, and your answer is no, I’ll respect that.”
Walt chuckled weakly. “Damn, Ethan. That’s heavy.”
Ethan rubbed his nose against Walt’s. “You don’t need to be nervous. I’m never going to stop loving you. Just consider and get back to me when you’re ready.”
Ethan turned around so that Walt was spooning him. Ethan liked sleeping with Walt almost as much as he loved sex with him. Ethan was shorter than Walt, and it seemed that his body just fit perfectly in his lover’s arms. He felt warm and safe.
Walt turned off the lights.
Walt sat in the break room of the firehouse he worked at, eating the lunch his husband made for him. The food was delicious, but his brow was furrowed.
Do I want kids?
He knew that Ethan would breach the subject at some point. Walt knew Ethan well enough to tell that Ethan would want children, even if he never said it directly. Ethan loved kids. He cried when he saw his sister’s son for the first time, according to her. He was a fourth-grade teacher. He also had so much better of a relationship with his parents than most gay men. Ethan would give being a parent everything he could possibly give.
What about Walt?
It’s not like he hated kids, but he couldn’t easily picture having one of his own. Unlike Ethan, Walt had a shitty relationship with his parents. His father abandoned him when he was five and his mother didn’t care about him. He ran away when he was fifteen and lived with his best friend Alexis until he could graduate high school and get a studio apartment of his own.
He pulled out his phone and tapped her contact. She picked up after a few rings.
“Hi, Alexis. I need some advice on something.”
“Do you think I’m cut out to be a parent?”
There was such a long pause he had to look at the display to make sure she hadn’t hung up.
“I’m still here.”
“Say something, then.”
“What do you expect me to say? That’s a question I can’t answer for you. You have to figure it out on your own.”
“I’d figure it out a little easier if I had some input.”
“Okay, fine. There’s not exactly anything about you and Ethan that makes parenting seem like a bad idea. You’re both responsible people and committed to each other. The issue is what you think about the idea.”
“That’s more or less exactly what Ethan said.”
“Then take the advice and actually think about it, meathead.”
“Ow, my feelings!”
“Oh boo-hoo. You’ve been out for ten years, surely you have a thicker skin than that.”
Alexis did not treat Walt any differently after he told her he was gay. She continued the same tough-love, older sister approach like nothing happened. Walt was always grateful for that.
“Okay, fine. I’ll think about it.”
“Talk to you later?”
He hung up the phone.
Ethan sat at his desk, watching all the students he cared for so much gradually leave the classroom. He was wondering what Walt was up to, how he was handling the bombshell that got dropped the night before.
Ethan always wanted kids of his own. He couldn’t remember a point in his life where he didn’t hope to start a family one day. Figuring out he was gay had no effect on that.
He was starting to wish he had talked to Walt about it way earlier in their relationship. Now that they were married, committed, and living together, he knew that he would accept it if Walt didn’t want a family. He loved him too much to ever hold that against him, no matter how sad the prospect was.
He was jarred from his thoughts by a child’s voice.
“Hey, Mr. Matthews?”
He jerked into reality to see his student Grant holding a paperback, one of the books in the classroom’s collection.
“I really like this book, but I’m not done with it. May I please take it home with me so I can finish? I’ll take care of it, I promise!”
Ethan smiled. “Of course. Just make sure you put it back when you’re done.” Grant was the responsible bookworm type, the kind of student who Ethan rarely had to worry about.
Grant showed off his braced teeth with a grin.
He scurried off. Ethan imagined seeing an innocent, smiling face like that coming home to greet him after school.
Ethan started wishing he hadn’t given Walt all the time he needed to reach his decision. The anticipation would be absolutely brutal.
It was three full days after that night in bed that Walt mentioned the subject again. It was after dinner and they were on the couch watching TV together. Once they finished the episode Walt clicked it off with the remote. He got up and turned on the lights. This was serious business.
He got on the couch next to Ethan, sitting sideways so he was facing his husband. Ethan mirrored the body language.
“Baby, I’ve been thinking about what we talked about the other night.”
Ethan’s mind started working a mile a minute.
Okay, Ethan, calm down. Don’t act so nervous. It’s his decision and you’ll accept it. Wait, are you sweating? Get a grip!
Walt either didn’t notice or graciously acted like he didn’t notice.
“I’ve given this a lot of thought. Both you and Alexis said that the answer has to come from me and nobody else.”
Ethan always liked Alexis.
“I thought about my mother and father.” He’d stopped using the words “Mom and Dad” when referring to them. “I used to hate them so much. I hated how they brought me into this world and refused to do their jobs as parents. Now that I’m 27 I know that hating them is a waste of energy. They’re not worth it. I won’t ever be able to forgive them, but I’ve come to peace with what happened.”
Ethan nodded. Remain neutral. Don’t lead him. What did I say about sweating?
“I also thought about your relationship with your parents. They love you to Hell and back again. They’re not just your parents, they’re some of your best friends. Your family is full of such kind people, and they accepted me as one of them without hesitation. It something I’ve always envied about you.”
Walt could tell Ethan was freaking out, so he cut to the chase.
“If we adopt a kid, that could mean that a kid who would have had a childhood like mine may end up with a childhood like yours. If I could be a part of that, be that for another person…”
He reached out and grabbed Ethan’s hands.
“There’s nobody else I’d rather do this with than you, Ethan. If you really think I’m ready, that I’m worthy, I would be honored if you would let me raise a child with you.”
Ethan smashed his lips against Walt’s. Tears started streaming down his cheeks. The two men kissed, their tongues dancing with each other.
Ethan was sobbing. He blurted out his next words without thinking.
“Thank you so much, Walt! I’ve always wanted to be a mom!”
Walt cocked an eyebrow. “Pardon?”
Ethan got embarrassed enough to be able to stop crying.
“Oh, sorry, it’s just…”
“Don’t apologize, just tell me what you meant when you said that.”
Ethan grinned sheepishly.
“Well, it’s just that I’ve always been more like my mom than my dad. When I found out I was gay, I thought about what it would be like to be parents with a man as my spouse. I sort of thought I’d take the mother role and the other guy would take the father role, and you remind me way more of my dad, and you’re a big strong fireman, and I just…”
He trailed off in his rambling, mortified.
Walt cupped his love’s cheeks.
“You are quite a bit like your mother. That’s a good thing. If our kid can have a mom as good as yours, they’re lucky. And if you actually think I could be to our kid what your dad is to you, that’s some of the highest praise I’ve ever gotten. I love you, Ethan. You’re kind and patient and smart. You’d make a great mom.”
Ethan started crying again.
The soon-to-be mom and dad embraced each other, kissing.
The two of them talked in bed for hours that night.
“Are you gonna be a stay-at-home mom? A housewife?” Walt asked, half-teasing.
“Maybe. Do you think I should?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure if one paycheck is gonna cut it with a kid in the house.” The two of them lived comfortably, each working jobs with modest income.
“Maybe I should work part-time, then.”
“Promise me now that we’ll make time to fuck.”
“We’ll set aside time to make love,” Ethan amended. “Don’t let me catch you talking like that around our kid.”
“You’re their mom, not mine.”
They continued the playful banter some more before Walt remembered something Ethan had said.
“I remind you of your dad?”
“Yeah. Didn’t I tell you that already?”
“If you did, I don’t remember it. Maybe that’s why the two of us get along so well.” Walt and Ethan’s father became fast friends after they met.
“I guess it makes sense. I’m just like my mother, so it’s fitting that I’d end up with someone like my father.”
Walt took that opening to whisper seductively into Ethan’s ear.
“I guess that makes me your Daddy, then.”
Ethan had a sharp intake of breath. His penis twitched.
“No, you are most certainly not my Daddy. I’m not into that.”
Walt moved his hand to hold his husband’s member.
“I don’t think your cute little cock got the memo, boy.”
“Don’t call me boy, Walt.”
Walt pulled on Ethan’s pubic hair, making him yelp.
He stroked his husband’s dick. He whispered into Ethan’s ear again, putting all the lust he could into his voice.
“Don’t you talk back to me, boy. Tonight, I’m your Daddy, and you’ll do as I say if you want me to let you come.”
Ethan whimpered as he hardened even further.
“I know you want it, boy. Just for tonight, let Daddy take care of you. Let go and submit to me.”
The two of them never really tried kinky sex before, but Walt suddenly wanted to experiment. Ethan loved Walt. If Walt wanted this, who was he to say no?
“If you want to keep going, tell me. Say you’ll submit completely. Say ‘I’m your boy, Daddy.’ If you don’t, I’ll stop.”
Ethan felt his resistance shatter. He shook with need.
“I-I’m your b-boy, Daddy.”
Walt nibbled on Ethan’s earlobe. He kept stroking Ethan’s member.
“Good boy. Now, what does the good little boy want from his Daddy?”
Ethan mewled, unable to talk. Walt squeezed his hand around his husband’s shaft.
“When I ask you a question, answer. Be good or I won’t let you come.”
Ethan gasped. “I…I want you to make me yours. Hold me down and…and take me, Daddy.”
Walt kissed his neck.
“That’s a good little boy. You’re going to submit to me fully. You’re not gonna come until I say you can. I’m gonna make you mine. You are mine, aren’t you?”
Ethan shuddered. “Yes, Daddy. I’m yours.”
Walt bit his love’s skin. “Good boy.”
He roughly flipped Ethan over onto his stomach. He grabbed the lubricant from the night stand and spread it on his erection. He looked at his husband’s naked body.
“Such a cute little ass, and it’s all mine.”
He got down so he was laying on top of Ethan, grinding his cock between his buttocks. His full weight was on Ethan. He wrapped his arms around his lover’s chest, beneath his armpits.
“I need to hold you down, boy. While I’m fucking you, you might be a bad boy and touch yourself so you can come without my permission.”
He kissed Ethan’s nape.
“Thing is, that cock is mine. It belongs to me, and I don’t like people touching my things.”
Ethan couldn’t take it anymore.
“Yes, Daddy! I’m yours, all yours! Take me, Daddy! Fuck me!”
Walt almost came just from hearing that.
“That’s a good little boy.”
The two of them proceeded to have some of the roughest sex they’d ever had. Walt took without mercy, and pushed Ethan into an earth-shattering orgasm. Once it was done, Walt remained on top of Ethan, hugging his husband.
“We should do that more often,” he purred.
Ethan chuckled sleepily. “Yeah, but I don’t think I’d be comfortable if our kid was even in the same house when we do.”
Walt nuzzled Ethan’s nape.
“We’ll figure something out.”