Men Are Actually Better – Gay Comedy Pt 3

“Just shut up and slam that cock into me!” Arsha twisted his fists in Ba’ith’s hair and kissed him viciously. “You are driving me insane!”

Part 1 | Part 2


Arsha blushed and licked his lips which had gone bizarrely dry. “It’s…it’s more comfortable like that…I have to do a lot of running and well, healer’s leggings are tight. Thankfully, elves’ body hair grows slowly so I only need to do it once every few years…” He flapped his hands self consciously. “Not that you need to know that…I suppose…”

Ba’ith smiled and nipped the smooth shaved skin and Arsha looked at the assassin’s cock. It was massive and thick and still very, very hard. He swallowed and then gasped when Ba’ith dragged the flat of his tongue across the base of his own awakening erection. “Oh fuck…” His head sagged on his neck and it was hard to keep his eyes open so that he could watch the level of Ba’ith’s arousal.

The assassin slid Arsha’s leggings down a tad further until his creamy dick could spring out. He gave a wry, hungry smile. “My cock is about to explode and your’s is at half mast. Don’t I do it for you baby?”

“Yes, you do – Ba’ith, I’m sorry. I’m just…” Arsha bit his lip nervously.

The assassin chuckled deep and soft. “Just relax Arsha. You don’t have anything to prove. I’m the one on trial here.” His eyes darkened lustfully and he purred. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure I can get you to rise to the occasion.” He let his tongue slide from his mouth slowly while Arsha watched and he dragged it around the flared peach colored head. “So sweet…” He murmured and suckled the very tip gently and tasted the slit in the end.

Arsha gasped and his toes curled. “Oh fuck…”

“Would it offend you if I called your cock pretty, Arsha?” Ba’ith was breathing his arousal heavily through his mouth and it washed over the elf’s balls.

Arsha’s voice came out in a squeak. “No…”

Ba’ith nuzzled and suckled the fast hardening shaft with wet, teasing kisses and dips of his tongue. “Because it is pretty …and sweet, like you are …Sun bird…”

The assassin groaned through his fervent kisses and licks and the sound vibrated along the now straining flesh of Arsha’s dick. He gasped and rose on his toes. “Ba’ith…you’re driving me crazy!”

Ba’ith smiled wickedly, without sympathy. “Good.”

He opened his mouth wide and sucked Arsha’s entire cock into his mouth. It wasn’t so much that the elf was especially small as it was that Ba’ith was simply so much bigger than his petite lover. He took Arsha’s entire length down his throat until his goatee teased and pressed against the sensitive skin where the elf’s pubes used to be and then he sucked, hard. Arsha’s hips jolted and he cried out softly but urgently with that quiet, breathy voice of his that drove the assassin to distraction.

Ba’ith made his tongue ripple against the vein on the underside of the elf’s shaft and lifted Arsha’s legs so that they could drape over his broad shoulders. He cupped the firm round cheeks of his arse in his huge palms and held him against his face. It was as though he was eating one big, ripe peach that he had to hold with two hands and he feasted on the elf’s cock like a starving man.

Arsha buried his hands in Ba’ith’s thick black hair, more for balance than anything else and he gasped. “You’re sucking my insides out!”

Ba’ith snorted and slid off his cock. “That’s the whole idea.” He closed his eyes and swirled his tongue around the rosy, flared head.

A drop of Arsha’s cum slid onto Ba’ith’s tongue and the elf gasped. “Ba’ith. You might want to stop doing that. I’m going to cum…and I don’t want to do it in your…”

“You’ve got no idea how much it fucking turns me on to see you squirm, and hear you moan…” Ba’ith’s cheeks hollowed and he sucked Arsha’s cock into his mouth again until it slid down his throat, his fingers dug almost painfully into the elf’s arse.

Arsha bucked and arched, his face twisted in a grimace of brutal delight. “Ba’ith! Stop! Or I’m going to cum in your mouth!”

Ba’ith threw him a look and wiggled his eyebrows in challenge. He shook his head like a playful wolf and the elf’s cock peaked to maximum hardness.

Arsha thrust his hips forward and screamed an almost agonised cry. “Ba………ITH!”

The delirious elf’s cock pulsed violently on the human’s skillful tongue, then hot cum blasted down Ba’ith’s throat in steaming shots of liquid delight. He swallowed reflexively and Arsha cried out again and again each time he did. He threw in a few extra swallows for good measure, and because he liked to see Arsha squirm. At last he took pity on him and let his cock fall out of his mouth.

“Oh fuck! …Ba’ith…” Arsha was trembling too violently to be able to hold himself up any longer and he sobbed. “You fucking bitch!”

Ba’ith chuckled. He slid his arms up the elf’s shuddering back and let him fall down until his knees were hooked over his shoulders. Arsha curled himself around Ba’ith’s neck and the assassin lowered his broad forehead against the elf’s refined one, then he thrust his hips up gently until his erection could knock on Arsha’s backdoor. “Feel that?”

Arsha looked at him sharply, still half panting and sobbing from his brutal climax. “It’s as hard as a rock.” He raised an almost fearful eyebrow.

“The cock never lies.” Ba’ith smiled and winked. “It has no morals, but it’s always honest.”

Arsha’s legs fell from Ba’ith’s shoulders and the assassin moved his arms so that the exhausted elf could straddle his waist, his head dropped between Ba’ith’s huge pecs. “We’re going to have to work on your stamina.”

“Yeah, I’m absolutely fucked.” Arsha smiled wider, too weak to chuckle.

“Not yet.” Ba’ith growled. “But you will be.”

Suddenly the door flew open and hit the wall with a thud. Ba’ith looked coolly toward it and saw Neika, consumed with shadow and a demonic spell already formed on her lips.


“Neika, NO!” Arsha shouted and stretched out his hands toward his friend.

The assassin hadn’t moved a muscle and Arsha looked at him incredulously. “Ba’ith, in case you’ve forgotten, you aren’t wearing your chest piece, you won’t have much resistance to Neika’s magic.”

“Take’s more than a drooling fallen healer to freak me out baby.” Ba’ith drawled and then he flicked his chin at Neika.

Arsha had scrambled to his feet and remembering that his cock was hanging out, dropped quickly into a crouch between Ba’ith’s thighs.

“Drooling?” He looked at Neika.

Neika had stopped her spell when she heard Arsha scream ‘no’ and now she was gaping at the gorgeous pair, a dreamy smile on her lips, then she realised they were looking at her. “Oh! Oh fuck I’m so sorry! I heard Arsha screaming…” She did a double take. “Ba’ith? You’re human?” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “I knew it!”

“Can’t talk. Seducing.” Ba’ith rose smoothly to his feet and tucked himself away – or attempted to – and swaggered toward the woman.

Neika was glad of the fact that Ba’ith couldn’t fit his massive rock hard shaft back under his leathers. She grinned lecherously as he walked closer. “Can I watch? I promise to be quiet!”

“Neika!” Arsha gasped. “No!”

Neika pouted.

Ba’ith smiled seductively at her and laid his hand on the door. “To quote you, Neika… ‘Piss off’.” He winked and slammed the door shut.

“You’re just lucky that I have more class than to kick that door open!” Neika called out from the other side and they could hear her laughter fading as she walked away to leave them to it.

Arsha stood and faced slightly to the side so that he could ‘arrange’ himself with a little dignity. He bent over to pick up his shirt and when he straightened, Ba’ith was standing so close to him that he was startled. He blushed furiously and fidgeted with his shirt which had suddenly become so fascinating that he couldn’t tear his eyes from it.

Ba’ith crushed him against his chest and then recoiled suddenly with a pained hiss. “Fuck!” He moved to hold his mangled nipples but realising that it would hurt more if he did, he clenched his fists instead and gritted his teeth.

“The shower’s over here.” Arsha stifled a chuckle and indicated the doorway that led to the bath room. “Let’s get you cleaned up and those things healed.” He seemed to want to look anywhere but at Ba’ith.

The assassin moved to stand behind him and he slid his hands firmly over Arsha’s still trembling shoulders until he had moved the long shining mass of golden-white hair to the side. As soon as he could see the back of the elf’s slim neck he bent his head forward and began kissing it and nipping it until Arsha’s trembles turned into shudders. “So, are you convinced?”

Arsha laughed softly, bashfully and nodded. “That was…pretty amazing.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet, Sun bird.” Ba’ith winked and swaggered to the bathroom. He turned the faucets on and steaming water poured out of the shower head. “Trust the elves to invent something as indulgent as this.”

“We just value good hygiene.” Arsha smiled and then he stopped abruptly as Ba’ith’s leathers were thrown out of the bathroom. His jaw gaped and he blinked.

Ba’ith was standing in the marbled cubicle with his broad back facing him and his massive arms were braced at shoulder height against the wall. He was bent at the waist so that the water wouldn’t stream onto his painful chest. Then he heaved himself off the wall and reached for a rectangular cake of soap and lathered it in his hands.

Arsha bit his lip and winced. “It will hurt if you get soap on them…”

The assassin turned quickly and looked over his shoulder. He grinned when he saw the look on Arsha’s face.

“You like what you see.” His eyes narrowed slyly.

Arsha smiled and his nose wrinkled. He tried to look away but it was as though Ba’ith’s body was a magnet that kept drawing his eyes back.

Ba’ith’s massive, hard muscles were flexing and moving under the slow flow of suds that crawled over his barrel like chest, down over the rippling muscles of his torso and along the ‘v’ shaped plate of muscle that ridged his tapered hips and seemed to act as a signpost that pointed to better things below. Well, maybe not better, but pretty bloody good. No, let’s be honest here, definitely better.

Suddenly, Ba’ith hissed. “FUCKING SOAP!”

“I told you!” Arsha chuckled.

Moving faster than the eye could see, Ba’ith reached out and hauled the elf into the shower, then held him under the water. He could hear the assassin laughing at his revenge while he spluttered and tried to flick the water out of his eyes so he could see him laughing. It was all so new again. The same Ba’ith he had come to know and love but now in a new, improved skin. Before he got the chance to do anything else though, his wrists were pinned behind his back and he found himself crushed against the massive body – although not against the nipples.

Arsha laughed, his eyes clenched tight to keep his wet hair and the steaming water out of them. “Let me go, I can’t see!”

“Heal me.” Ba’ith murmured in his long, sensitive ear, prickling his flesh. He bent his head down to kiss the elf’s nose.

Unable to see the kiss coming, Arsha jumped and laughed harder when it landed. “At least push my hair out of my eyes, please? I feel as though I’m suffocating. And I need my hands to heal.”

“If you can’t see or touch, how are you going to fulfil your duties as a dedicated healer? You’ll have to be creative. ” Ba’ith grinned wickedly and curled his other arm around Arsha’s waist, tightening it each time he tried to move away and he drank in the sight of the helpless elf squirming and laughing in his grip.

Arsha’s cheeks flushed red. “I have to bend over to heal you, I can’t reach like this.”

“You’ll manage.” Ba’ith’s husky reply was punctuated with a thrust of his hips and a slow grind that sent them both shuddering.

“I need to concentrate.”

“Good practice in functioning under pressure.” Arsha felt the smug reply against his neck as Ba’ith bent to suck it.

“I see, so that’s how we are going to play then?” Arsha grinned and he felt its evil twin stretch against his neck.

He felt the warm rush of healing light accumulate and build in his body and he willed it to flow to his mouth until it began to glow. His eyes were closed and he held his lips ‘kiss-shaped’, moving his elfin face forward slowly, carefully, trying to reach Ba’ith’s body so he could press his lips against it and start healing him. Every time he came within reach though, the assassin would shift so he ended up kissing thin air.

At last he laughed in exasperation. “Ba’ith stay still you tease!”

Ba’ith laughed with his deep, low rumbly chuckle. “I love how your nose wrinkles when you laugh, Arsha. I could watch it forever.” He frowned slightly when Arsha’s color deepened even further with embarrassment. Was he pushing him too far? “I’ll stop teasing you.”

At last Arsha’s searching lips connected with flesh and he traced his tongue along it. Collar bone …shoulder …

“Cold.” Ba’ith slid his fingers over Arsha’s chest and pinched his nipple. “That’s what you are looking for.

“I know. I’m just getting my bearings.” Arsha nipped his shoulder.

“You just want an excuse to lick my body like you did when you were drunk. There’s truth in wine Sun bird.” Ba’ith grinned.

“Guilty.” Arsha slid his tongue out from between his smiling lips and dipped it into the hollow of Ba’ith’s throat.

Ba’ith groaned. “Getting warmer.”

“If I kiss down in a straight line, and then move across I’ll have to find them eventually.” Arsha pulled his hips away from where Ba’ith held them plastered against his.

Ba’ith let him and then he slid his hand under the wet fabric of the elf’s leggings and hauled him back. “You have the best arse. It’s like a ripe peach. I can’t wait to see it wrapped around my cock.”

“Will it spoil the mood if I said Neika thinks so too?” Arsha smiled and wiggled, trying to slide down the assassin’s hard body so he could reach the injured flesh.

“Yes.” Ba’ith snorted and frowned.

“I won’t say it then.” Arsha smiled wryly. “But who said I was going to let that whopping great thing anywhere near my arse?”

“Oh, you will.” Ba’ith’s eyes boiled with hunger.

Arsha pulled back and grinned. “I need to move down so I can reach your nipples.”

“I like you here.” Ba’ith growled and hauled the elf against him again so he couldn’t move. “Heal them from where you are. You are ‘leet’ healer.”

“As if!”

But Ba’ith clearly was not going to let Arsha go. Determined to finish his task, the elf came up with an idea. He bit his lip and pushed his groin hard against the assassin’s until he felt the raging, hot erection pressing almost painfully on his hip. He ground slowly, languidly, in small movements that would barely be obvious if carried out in a crowded room.

“Oh fuck…” Ba’ith sucked in a sharp, shuddering breath and arched his back.

His grip momentarily loosened on Arsha’s hips and the elf slid down quickly before Ba’ith could stop him, making sure that he dragged his body against the assassin’s straining cock the entire way. “Heh. Brains, not brawn.”

“Sneaky elf. You should be a rogue, not a medic.” Ba’ith spoke through gritted teeth.

Arsha felt the rise of hard muscles on either side of his cheeks, covered in just enough wet hair to be sexy but not enough to require back burning for forest management. He kissed his way a little to the right and as he had hoped, the flesh under his lips rose into a mound. “This has to be a man-tit. There must be an injured nipple around here somewhere.”

Ba’ith ground his cock against Arsha’s stomach. “Getting warmer.”

The elf trailed his lips searchingly, using his chin and cheeks as ‘nub’ detectors to narrow the task down.

“Hot! Hot! Hot!” The assassin hiss painfully as the corner of Arsha’s mouth brushed over the grazed skin.

“You big baby!” Arsha slid his tongue out gently, tentatively, he could taste water and…then the metallic tang of injured skin. He proceeded slowly, letting his sense of taste guide him with little more than the softest dips with the tip of his tongue, depositing healing light with each tiny lick until all he could taste was water once more.

Ba’ith moaned in animalistic pleasure. “That was fucking hot! I nearly blew my load all over your taut little stomach then.”

“You talk so dirty when you are horny!” Arsha moved in a straight line across to the next patch of tortured flesh. Ba’ith’s agonised hiss told him when he had found it. “I like it.”

“Good. Because I can’t stop. I think my balls are going to explode.” Ba’ith groaned.

“I’ve heard that healing can sometimes give off a euphoric effect.” Arsha let the warm light pour out again as he methodically healed every patch of tangy skin that he tasted. “This is the first time I’ve seen it happen though.”

“It’s the first time you’ve healed with your lips.” Ba’ith’s chuckled and released Arsha’s wrists. “Speaking of which.” He uttered a feral growl, cupped Arsha’s face and kissed his mouth hungrily, hunching his shoulders possessively over him until the elf had to bend his knees to stop his back from hurting.

Arsha gripped Ba’ith’s shoulders, momentarily disconcerted when the water from the shower ran directly into his face.

“You are going to drown me.” He spluttered.

Ba’ith spun him around and pressed him against the wall. His body was like a wall of muscle and he pinned Arsha beneath him, wrapped himself around him, and his tongue forced its way past the elf’s sweet, soft lips once more, taking possession of his mouth with a savage intensity that stole Arsha’s breath and turned his legs into jelly.

Before he even realised he had, Arsha slid his leg over Ba’ith’s hip for better leverage and the assassin hooked his bulging forearm under it. He slid the flat of his palm along the underside of the elf’s thigh until he could grip his arse. He was kneading it, digging his fingers in it and pulling the soft cheek so hard with the urgency of his arousal that Arsha thought for a brief moment that he was going to split his skin.

There was none of the gentle tenderness of Ba’ith’s other kisses. He forced the elf’s mouth wide beneath his hungry jaw and Arsha could taste himself faintly on his tongue as it assaulted his mouth. Ba’ith was radiating heat and animal lust and he kissed Arsha so ferociously that his goatee left the elf’s soft skin burning and pink.

“Fuck Arsha, you feel so good.” Ba’ith’s voice was a low growl that flowed over Arsha’s body, igniting shivers over his chest and back that exploded like fireworks on his skin. He released his grip on Arsha’s arse and tore the soggy, threadbare leggings from him, and then he reached for the soap.

Arsha felt a brief shiver of fear that only served to heighten his arousal. “Um…” His voice squeaked. He cleared his throat apprehensively. “What are you doing?”

Ba’ith grinned like a wolf and his glazed eyes burned with dark heat until they all but glowed silver. “Relax beautiful. This is going to be a little uncomfortable for you at first.”

Arsha’s eyebrows lifted. “I can definitely detect a cruel edge on that smile.”

“You’ll like this…eventually.” Ba’ith licked the flushed skin around Arsha’s kiss swollen lips and pinned him against the wall with his hips. The elf’s leg was left to drape over his thigh and he thrust his suds-slicked hand further beneath Arsha’s arse until he could cup his balls in his palm. His other hand was pressed against the small of the elf’s back, fingers pointed down until they could dig into the spongy patch of skin just below where his tail bone ended.

“Oh fuck…Ba’ith… shit!” Arsha’s head dropped hard against the marble wall and he arched his neck.

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