I always preferred the company of boys and never liked to play with girls, even as a child. I have two older brothers and everything in my home was all about three boys. It was a life of sports and typical guy stuff like hunting and fishing, climbing trees, and the things that make a macho father’s chest swell with pride. I never really thought much about it but somehow in those defining and fumbling teenage years I realized that I was never going to be interested in girls the way my older brothers were, the way most of the other guys I knew were. It was an earth shattering thing for me and I lived in total denial until my sophomore year in college.
There was a very important reason why I masturbated to fantasies that I’d then feel guilty and ashamed about afterward. Talk about being repressed, I grew up in a Christian home where I was expected to conform to set principles of behavior, principles that stifled me. I willingly disavowed the very core of my being in shame and fear of being exposed. Everyone was always talking about their personal relationship with God and how they could feel his presence with them, could pray and he always gave them the answer. It never happened for me and I felt like I just didn’t belong, that maybe I was not good enough for God to acknowledge. Of course I kept such thoughts to myself and played the game. To everyone around me I was the all American boy, the one girl’s fantasize about.
My father was the Reverend Paul Chrichton, pastor of the local Methodist church and a gay son was totally out of the question. The church sermons on the evils of homosexuality made an indelible impression on...
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What an absolutely BRILLIANT story!
I love every word!
MORE stories like this one, please!
Wow, what a great story. As long as it was, I wish there were more. Announcing to family could have extended it. I think a Baptist minister would probably disown him. Extremely well written. Just ended way too short.
Too bad its not real or possible. Someone like me who is a virgin like Ben and who will only be with the man I will marry is never going to find someone. I have tried for years. Been open and honest and completely upfront only to get people scared off, strange reactions or people trying to use my honesty as a gaurentee to me giving them sex (which is what they really want to decide if anything else is worth it. they don’t try to really get to know me for me, just for ways to wear me down to sex, then they can “invest” if they like the sex) My looks are very plain and I am not an adonis by any means. I am in a way a man’s man and a happy homemaker all in one but gave up long ago on ever finding this kinda fantasy. No one is ever serious, genuine or honest with what they want or , need or feel. I stopped being salty ages ago but I would rather not hear the coments that I am jaded or what not. Not even after someone tried to rape me claiming they loved me but that’s a whole other convo. (I thought I had this fantasy once {my would be rapist} but all I got was lies and much duplicity.} When I read stories like this it is a nice thought but more so a twinge of hurt for what will never be. I think that living a life alone and celebate is all I have at the end of the day. So if I can find some great friends and live “vicariously” through stories like this from time to time, I can get through. Sorry, TMI. Probably should just delete this….Good story, I liked the ending.
It made for a Happy fantasy but dont ever give up on your dreams. I believe that there is someone for everyone, you just have to keep looking!!!! You put it in a reality prospective and there’s nothing wrong with that and as I said before just never give up. I was raped by my cousin and now looking back I forgive him and love him to death!!!! He is probably one of the only persons that truly get me and know everything about me besides my best friend, my own family dont even know that I’m gay. My dad died not knowing and my mom is still living but I’m scared to tell her with fear of it sending her to her grave, but secretly I’m still looking for my Mr. Perfect, my own Adonis if you will!!!!????????
You sound absolutely miserable and you are the cause of it! It’s impossible to be gay and celibate until marriage! Why would you do that to yourself? Even if you were hot it wouldn’t work, and you must have known all this so you are choosing misery and whatever reason you have for being celibate is not worth it. For your own sake choose to be happy and stop the no sex before marriage nonsense.
I know your response is over 5 years old now. But, I am intrigued by your statements and wondering if things might have changes for you.
I don’t know how old you are. But , i Know if you don’t give up, there’s still a chance. I came out to my family and friends when I was 14. I kept dating the same person in a different body every 3 and 1/2 years. By the time I was 33 yrs old I felt discouraged, depressed and hopeless. I even considered suicide. After getting counseling, I realized why I was attracted to the same dysfunctional type. I was drawn to the same dysfunctional dynamics i had experienced a a young man growing up in my family. I got some counseling and decided not to date until I became a more balanced person. Mentally and emotionally. After several years of being alone and learning to love myself, I decided it was time to try again. I wrote down on a piece of paper what i most expected and desired in a material. Had to have a job. Had to be Mentally unstable and emotionally available. Fun with a sense of humor. And of course, a strong physical connection. Didn’t have to be gourgous. A normal guy with all the above attributes was perfect. I kept it under my pillow. At night before going to sleep, i would talk to it like we had already met. I would say how my day was. Good or bad. How i was feeling, etc. And then I always ended with, good night, sweet dreams, and I can’t wait to met you. Hopefully, soon! I was 36 ys old at that time. About 8 months later I met my Soulmate. A new guy who joined my friends. A new roommate of one of my buddies. After about a month we went to a Xmas party together and have been together ever since. Michael was 37 when we met. Now I’m 71, and Michael is 72. It’s been wonderful, incredible, ecstatic. But sometimes also, boring, mundane, and at times he’ll! But, throughout all the years together, we both know we can’t live without the other! Best friends, incredible lovers, and Soulmates. Don’t give up!! It can happen. Stay positive! Your thoughts create! See it , visualize it in your future like it’s already happened. I wish you love and fulfillment in your future ❤️
m i want stephan- what a hot stud